I started this blog three years ago this summer. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, as silly as it sounds.
But I am not the natural-born risk taker. I loathe bandwagons and noisy, pompous words online and in person. No one I knew personally had taken blogging to the level of setting up a website and writing articles for people to read. What did it matter what I had to say, anyway? I had a rational, compelling argument against taking the steps necessary to having my own space in the rapidly-growing blogsophere.
God would not leave me alone about the idea, however. There were times I felt physically pulled to my computer to make this thing happen. I whined a lot while I was figuring it out. A LOT!
I played the role of Gideon laying out one fleece after the next before God to make sure this was actually what He wanted, and He boldly confirmed that this is the exact direction He was leading.
I finally believed Him when I got a $12.51 check in the mail from our mortgage company one week after I prayed He’d provide the $12 for the domain name purchase. That is the only time in the history of ever that we received a CHECK from our mortgage company.
Yep. It was about that time I decided I should believe God, so I labored through, fully expecting that He had plans to grow this blog into something glamorous because He wanted me to do it so badly.
Nearly three years later, this place in Internet Land hasn’t grown very much at all. It’s risen and fallen and fallen some more, in fact. Even so, I have grown a ton. I’ve learned about obedience, faith, identity, serving, vulnerability, and ignoring the desire to chase after trends. God hasn’t made a great name for myself and neither have I, but I’ve grown a lot more comfortable with accepting that I’m not the one who’s supposed to have a great name because God’s name is the only one that is great and worthy of recognition.
I’ve debated many times in the months since starting this writing journey whether or not I should continue or let it go. There have been times I’ve begged God to let me let it go, and other than occasional seasons of stepping away to rest or deal with life, He reminds me that He is the one who completes the good work He’s placed within me. (Don’t believe me? He said it here in Philippians 1:6.)
It’s funny that I don’t identify myself as a blogger as much as I used to a couple of years ago. Rather, I’ve realized I’m just an ordinary, work-in-progress woman who happens to sometimes write on a blog as well. The internal struggles I’ve faced about this particular aspect of my life have helped prepare me for the bigger challenges that real life has handed me, and I’m grateful for the gift God has given me by saying, “Do this blog thing! It will help unlock a lot of personal issues you need to work through to be more like Me.”
That $12.51 check was the first time that God spoke to me in such a clear way, and in the trials that have challenged me since then, I can go back to that moment when He said, “I’ll always provide a way for you to follow my leading. All you have to do is put one foot in front of the other.”
Instead of growing into an impressive blog with dozens of emails from publishers begging for a book deal, I’ve learned to believe that fact that no one actually wants to believe about life. Success is not measured by numbers. It’s really not. Success is about obeying God no matter what it might cost. It’s about standing behind His promises when they look different than you thought they would. It’s about understanding grace, accepting it, and abiding in God’s love.
So that thing you’ve been putting off doing even though you know God’s telling you to do it? It probably won’t turn out anything like you think it will, but there will come a day you will be so glad it didn’t. You will also be better for it if you choose to be brave and follow Him.
You encourage me in voice and in print. There have been many times God has spoken to me through this blog. . . even a few times when I have read it thinking you were writing about me only to realize at the end it was about something you had been going through. Your obedience to the Lord has been a challenge and an encouragement to me in my life. God uses you to “line me out” a lot. As the old Ray Boltz song says, “Thank you, for giving to the Lord. I am a life that was changed.” God bless you and yours.
Very encouraging post, thanks for sharing your heart and for being real! I know this has been a crazy journey for you, and I love learning alongside you. Thank you for sharing what God has taught you and for the challenge to step out in faith! Love you!
Kelly you have to know that there was a moment last year that my heart was completely set free by one of your posts. I had been struggling to live life better–do more than just survive–at a time when my son was just a year old and my daughter had just turned three. I needed to know God was pleased with me, and I felt very alone in all my efforts to see my family blessed…I felt tired and really discouraged. Then I think it was the Busy Mom who reposted your post about 5 things new moms need to remember to survive. Each point set me free in one way or another, but it was when you said “you ARE rising early” that really truly was the voice of God basically telling me to chill out, that He IS pleased with me, that my efforts are enough and He would carry me from here. It was a beautiful moment sobbing in front of my computer! Since then I’ve given birth to another beautiful son and was so excited to read the post again and put into practice all your points. A couple of my friends had also recently given birth so it was a JOY to share the post again on Facebook where it was very quickly appreciated! And I have to say what a huge difference it was this time around compared to my first two babies. I credit your post in part for that, but more importantly I know it was a tool God used to carry me through a season that is always harder than I expect it to be. So thank you for following God’s leading faithfully, because it has a ripple effect that touches way more hearts than you probably know. And thank you for today’s post too. There IS a thing I feel God is nudging me towards and this post has reminded me how God can work to bring confirmation. Keep doing this Kelly! I’ve toyed with the idea of blogging myself and have had the same exact thoughts as you: who cares what I have to say? Though I haven’t felt God’s nudge toward starting my own blog, when I read your thoughts they seem to echo my own so clearly. I could go on but my kids need me. I’m just thankful for your calling and so look forward to reading more in the future!
Sarah, it wasn’t my intention to fish for compliments with this post, but thank you so much for sharing this! I needed it more than even I realized. Keep up the good work, Sarah, and go for whatever it is God is nudging you to do! It will be my privilege to pray for you while you do, and please keep me posted. 🙂
Absolutely!
We can pray for each other! And thanks…so much!!
Amen girl! It really is all about obedience to Him, all the time. Excited to meet you! Steph
I totally understand where you are coming from! I blogged for a few years at a different blog, wrote for a couple of bigger websites, even spoke at an online conference. When I gave it up to go back to work four years ago, I was satisfied that season was finished. But then God had me give up my job (’cause I had a baby, so I didn’t complain too terribly much!) and nudged me back into this blogging thing. And it has been so hard. I’ve struggled to live up to the expectations I set on myself, to see the same growth and interaction and even success I had a few years ago. And it isn’t happening. But I finally am in this place after months of struggling where I’m beginning to be okay with it. This season is different for a reason and it could very well be His purpose in my blogging is also completely different. So like you, I keep on, with my 7 Twitter followers and 4 blog subscribers. *grin*
But can I tell you one thing – you encourage and bless more than you realize. I have to keep remembering that God’s measure of success is a lot different than our own – when we’re obedient to His call He counts us successful.
Whether or not your blog grows, just think of the written legacy you will have left for your children. That is the very reason I started my blog – I wanted my children to know what was in their mother’s heart & mind. There will be no greater reward than knowing you have invested into their lives. Keep going 🙂 So glad to have visited from Soli Deo Gloria today.
Gurrrllll, yep. God teaches me more than any other reader on my blog. It’s just one small step of obedience after another that grows us. Mostly so slowly we don’t even realize it!! And I am so thankful for finding new friends like you 🙂
Hopped over from SDG & look forward to knowing you more.