That Ugly Post to Push me Over the Hump

I’ve been mulling over a great many things lately of the blogging kind. Nothing new, really, just trying to determine where to go from here. Before I come across as emo, please note that this post’s greatest purpose is to help me sort things out. I come up with my clearest answers by writing things out, so this is not, I repeat NOT, a cry for help from the depths of despair.

Taking care of little ones, especially when they’re very little, takes a great deal of time. Not to mention energy and brain power. At the end of just about every day when I used to be able to sit at the computer and write for a while, my head crashes on my pillow. If I’m not feeling exhausted, then I try to think about what I should write and it doesn’t come. Or it does and I try writing it only to get frustrated because it’s all a jumbled mess. That’s why you can currently find no less than five incomplete drafts of posts started and abandoned on my blog’s dashboard because it isn’t working.

It all feeds into that confusing network of knowledge and expectations about what makes a good blog post. I’ve read what makes a good blog post, and I’ve spent a great deal of time trying my best to make them be just as much like the experts say they should be as possible. There’s a place for that, but right now I’m a bit disenchanted with the written and unwritten rules of the blogging world.

Being relevant, having easy-to-read posts complete with properly sourced or watermarked pictures, linking up – all of these things are well and good, but they can become time suckers from things that are higher priorities to me right now, like my family or my home or actually following through with my intentions to send a “how are you?” text to my friends. Don’t even get me started on my love-hate view of the whole social media aspect of it. Ultimately, it’s that pressure I put on myself to make sure my blog is meeting the criteria that is keeping me silent, and that will simply not do. (Thanks, Jen, for the encouragement to just write.)

So I am just writing tonight. Nothing fancy or even coherent. I’m pretty sure I will not do much in way of proofreading because I am determined to actually complete a post. As therapy to my perfectionism sins. When Jen and I were texting back and forth about our real-life conversation and her post today about blogging, I was able to say one thing that made sense to me. And I’m going to resist the urge to make this post “complete” by including the screen shot of the text so I have a picture in this post. (Seriously, people, I’m messed up.) Here’s what I said,

“You know, I rambled enough last night to prove that I don’t have any answers but I do know this. We keep coming back to it because we love it, and at the end of the day here’s one thing I’ve decided when it comes to my own blogging journey. If I become a better person for it, then it’s worth it. I believe I have because I’ve put myself out there and I’ve acted in faith. It’s through blogging that I discovered that I struggle with both. A lot.”

So there you have it. I’m ending right here, not because it’s a work of art, but because I’m ready for bed, and this is as good a place as any to pause until next time. Goodnight you wonderful, dear friends who stick with me when I’m wordy, silent, confused, or whatever other description fits in my various seasons of life. You have been the audience that has loved me as I strive to be who God wants me to be, and I am truly grateful for you.

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