I started this blog three years ago this summer. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, as silly as it sounds.
But I am not the natural-born risk taker. I loathe bandwagons and noisy, pompous words online and in person. No one I knew personally had taken blogging to the level of setting up a website and writing articles for people to read. What did it matter what I had to say, anyway? I had a rational, compelling argument against taking the steps necessary to having my own space in the rapidly-growing blogsophere.
God would not leave me alone about the idea, however. There were times I felt physically pulled to my computer to make this thing happen. I whined a lot while I was figuring it out. A LOT!
I played the role of Gideon laying out one fleece after the next before God to make sure this was actually what He wanted, and He boldly confirmed that this is the exact direction He was leading.
I finally believed Him when I got a $12.51 check in the mail from our mortgage company one week after I prayed He’d provide the $12 for the domain name purchase. That is the only time in the history of ever that we received a CHECK from our mortgage company.
Yep. It was about that time I decided I should believe God, so I labored through, fully expecting that He had plans to grow this blog into something glamorous because He wanted me to do it so badly.
Nearly three years later, this place in Internet Land hasn’t grown very much at all. It’s risen and fallen and fallen some more, in fact. Even so, I have grown a ton. I’ve learned about obedience, faith, identity, serving, vulnerability, and ignoring the desire to chase after trends. God hasn’t made a great name for myself and neither have I, but I’ve grown a lot more comfortable with accepting that I’m not the one who’s supposed to have a great name because God’s name is the only one that is great and worthy of recognition.
I’ve debated many times in the months since starting this writing journey whether or not I should continue or let it go. There have been times I’ve begged God to let me let it go, and other than occasional seasons of stepping away to rest or deal with life, He reminds me that He is the one who completes the good work He’s placed within me. (Don’t believe me? He said it here in Philippians 1:6.)
It’s funny that I don’t identify myself as a blogger as much as I used to a couple of years ago. Rather, I’ve realized I’m just an ordinary, work-in-progress woman who happens to sometimes write on a blog as well. The internal struggles I’ve faced about this particular aspect of my life have helped prepare me for the bigger challenges that real life has handed me, and I’m grateful for the gift God has given me by saying, “Do this blog thing! It will help unlock a lot of personal issues you need to work through to be more like Me.”
That $12.51 check was the first time that God spoke to me in such a clear way, and in the trials that have challenged me since then, I can go back to that moment when He said, “I’ll always provide a way for you to follow my leading. All you have to do is put one foot in front of the other.”
Instead of growing into an impressive blog with dozens of emails from publishers begging for a book deal, I’ve learned to believe that fact that no one actually wants to believe about life. Success is not measured by numbers. It’s really not. Success is about obeying God no matter what it might cost. It’s about standing behind His promises when they look different than you thought they would. It’s about understanding grace, accepting it, and abiding in God’s love.
So that thing you’ve been putting off doing even though you know God’s telling you to do it? It probably won’t turn out anything like you think it will, but there will come a day you will be so glad it didn’t. You will also be better for it if you choose to be brave and follow Him.