I’m sure this post breaks all the rules of what makes a good blog post that other people will read. I’m okay with that, however, as I am currently in a place where I simply want to journal my thoughts as I am in this place. Here is what you will not find in this post: tips, lists, pictures, and there is certainly no “pinnable” content. Just a raw look at what’s in this heart and head of mine as I pursue God’s dream for me.
I’ve not always been the best at dreaming. I have the capacity in my imagination to picture what might be if, but then I have my ever-rampant logical side analyzing all of the reasons it won’t work.
This is in large part why it takes me such a long time to accomplish things. I have passion, but then I get distracted with all of the responsibilities that take precedence in my mental checklist before pursuing something big. That, and I have my own form of ADD, I’m pretty sure…my ability to get distracted is a great one.
A few years ago, I began to realize the tragedy in not allowing myself to dream. Instead of playing the “what if” game the way I was used to, in which I listed all of the negative what-ifs that could possibly happen if I chose to take a risk, I began making attempts at trying something that I thought I couldn’t do.
The crazy thing is, I actually accomplished some of them. I’m not talking awe-inspiring, sign me up for your next motivational speaker kind of accomplishments, but for me, they were massive steps in the right direction.
The analyzing won’t seem to leave altogether, but it’s no longer my gut reaction for everything, and it’s led me down a path that is more vibrant and requires a level of creativity and confidence I never knew could exist within myself.
Oh, there have been some bad attempts at making a fashion statement as well as some dinner attempts that have left us little choice but to go out for dinner instead. My closet shelf contains dozens of supplies for projects I believed I could do but never have had the nerve to start. I have not become a charismatic personality that draws in crowds everywhere I go, and the doubts in my head still ring in my ear like pesky mosquitoes, but I’m gradually starting to understand the beauty of having dreams.
I’m attempting to make them happen as I swat at the mosquito-like excuses. I refuse to live life without dreaming up what could be if I really let God run with His dreams for me. What could He do if I stopped formulating the best plan of action and just followed His nudges to try this thing that before seemed like something only great people could do rather than simple little old me?
The encouragement of writer Jeff Goins has helped me jump over my first big hurdle. He consistently reiterates the importance of admitting my dreams out loud. So, here is one of my dreams, in print for the few, the proud, the readers of this blog to acknowledge. I’ve admitted it here before, but I have to keep repeating things like this for myself more than anyone else.
For me, the dream to write a book has been a part of my life since I was a girl with a blue spiral notebook out in my thinking place in the woods. I never really admitted it to many people for most of my life because I thought it would be impossible for someone like me to do something that extensive. I found other ways to compensate the passion. Conversation with friends, encouraging others who were actually accomplishing great things, teaching others that writing is actually a good thing. But me? Write? Ha! I’ll just leave that to the professionals, thank you very much.
Over the course of many dreams, God began giving me a vision for what I could actually write about. It was after I finally got to a place where I could not only dream it, but admit out loud that I wanted to try writing, that the outline of a book entered my head. I know it came from God. I’ve spent far too many hours of my life trying to write on my own, but it wouldn’t work until this very time when God said, “You’re starting to get a glimpse of the joys of dreaming.”
So I jotted down the ideas and grew overwhelmed as they grew with every word that I wrote. Now I’m actually feeling the initial excitement that perhaps I have the beginnings of something that more than 10 people would read and actually benefit from it. I feel confident in it because I know it’s not from me. It is God’s message, and He’s actually using a girl who has never been the best dreamer to fulfill something that will bring honor to Him.
If you’ve stuck with reading this long, can I ask you to pray for me? I’m still learning what it means to make a dream come true. I know that it requires a great deal of work, and I’ve already put in a lot of it, but there is still an insane amount of work to be done. And the really scary part is yet to come. I do not heart technical details and marketing. Yet they are looming, taunting me like those blood-thirsty mosquito excuses that have stopped me so many times before, but I do not want them to bite. I want to push through and bring glory to my God. He’s done great things in my heart through this process thus far, and I pray He will exceed my greatest dreams if I see this project through to the end.
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