I’m throwing out a disclaimer here. I’m still processing a bit near the beginning of this post, but I believe I resolve the issue as the post concludes, so hear me out before you think I’ve just given up. I think it’s important for anyone NOT in my head to have an idea of where I’m coming from in order to understand the lesson I’m learning.
I’m kind of at a crossroads in writing. It’s been two months since I was given a non-optional break. One crazy circumstance after another kept coming up when I would determine I would get back on the horse and start making writing a part of my daily life again.
And now here I am, capable of writing, yet not sure that I’m wanting to make this kind of commitment again. Finding the time has always been a challenge, and as I prepare myself mentally for our sweet baby coming in January, I know that it’s only going to become a greater challenge.
It’s been almost a year since I set up my web domain and all of that stuff that left me constantly frustrated, and as I consider the costs of going through all of that again, both financially and mentally, I feel icky and not at all like dealing with any of it.
Then there’s my whole conflicting issue with being a big part of the social media part of blogging. I understand its value, yet I see how it just sucks time that would be much better spent on my family and home. I haven’t missed Twitter one bit in my absence from it, and I’d be just as happy if I canceled the account as if I continued it.
I admitted a couple of weeks ago that I was processing, and while these have only been a small portion of the thoughts I’ve been sifting through and evaluating, they’re there every time I choose to not sit down at the computer to write or blog.
I have chosen different methods to deal with said issues:
1. Ignore them by filling the time with something else. Frankly, a lot of the time has been filled with sleep instead. I am growing a baby, after all, and this calls for earlier bed times, and I choose sleep without any shame. Other times, I choose meaningless Internet surfing or TV watching.
2. Stop avoiding the issue and pray for God’s plans to be made clear.
I’ve fluctuated on these methods, and I am aware that the second answer is the way more spiritual-sounding one that should constantly be my choice. But it hasn’t been every day.
As I found myself coming back to the second option this week, I started to hear some answers.
Following God is not all about feelings.
I have some pretty good excuses for stepping back from writing, and they all feel justified. But He’s called me to follow Him, not my feelings. These extra hormones will undoubtedly lead me astray and cause some serious damage along the way, but my God? He will always make my path straight. Don’t believe me? He said so Himself.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.”
So I’m doing the one thing I’ve learned from this almost-year-long venture to be a writer. Keep pushing past the feelings and follow God. I have no idea how this path will twist or when it will end, but it’s one thing that I’ve felt God continually push me to do. Yes, breaks are necessary along the way, but every vacation must come to an end, and it’s time for me to choose discipline over the easy road of settling for an “average” life.
The Bible study I’m currently going through brought to light a verse that I so desperately need right now.
“But have nothing to do with worldly fables fit only for old women. On the other hand, discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness;” ~1 Timothy 4:7
So that is what I’m praying. For discipline to pursue God when I’d rather do what makes more logical sense in my head. To work hard when it would be much more enjoyable to sit around.
Thank you so, so much, faithful friends who have hung with me through this unique season of my life. I appreciate the commitment you’ve made to encourage me by reading when you could be doing so many other things as well as not giving up on me when I produced nothing at all for you to read! You are sources of joy in my life!
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