You may have noticed that things have been pretty silent around here lately. I have some valid explanations, a little bit of time, and one good hand with which to catch up, so here goes.
Our life moved up a few notches on the crazy scale on May 12th in that fateful moment when I innocently tried teaching my son good hygiene habits and ended up severing tendons in two of my fingers when the ceramic soap dispenser shattered. In that painful accident, my husband and I both found ourselves chuckling over God answering personal and specific prayers we had recently uttered. My husband prayed for more opportunities to serve his family. I prayed that I’d learn to make prayer a higher priority. Both of us had insta-answers.
As I went through the recovery process, I kept feeling nausea. I thought this a rather strange side effect to hand surgery, but seeing as how I’d never had hand surgery before, I didn’t give it much thought. Until I woke up three mornings in a row feeling very sick. Strange. So to rule it out, I took a pregnancy test. And it was positive!
Once the overwhelming feeling died down and my excited husband assured me that it was all going to work out fine, I smiled again at how God answers prayer. I’ve specifically prayed for over a year for God to do His will in His time about the size of our family. I wasn’t pining for a second child, for I feel so incredibly blessed with the gift I already have in my son. When I found out I was expecting him, I began believing in God’s perfect and sovereign timing in ways I never had before.
So I decided to leave the size of our family up to God from that time on. It really is Him who is in control of these things no matter how much our finite minds think we “plan” something as miraculous as bringing a life into the world.
I have to be real with you, though. I believe this with all of my heart, but I still had a preference on the timing, and it did not include right this minute. I was making good progress on my book. I was focusing on supporting my husband through the challenges of the firefighter academy. I was working to use this special time in life to be there for my mom friends of multiple children since we were a bit more flexible and mobile.
Then God revealed that this plan that was working so well in my head was not His plan for me right now. It involves me being one-handed, scrambling to find a ride and a babysitter for all of my doctor and hand therapy appointments, and feeling miserable with
morning all-day sickness. It’s actually a season of dying to myself on every level I can imagine, while fighting off the guilt of not being able to do much of anything for anyone.
Yet it is beautiful. God has entrusted this frail woman to house a life for which He has a specific purpose. He has given me a family who loves me even in my ugliest and most vulnerable state. And He is continuing to sustain me when all the things I love to do on a normal day are simply impossible for me to accomplish right now.
The saying, “Be careful what you pray for” may seem fitting here, but I don’t believe it’s an accurate view of prayer. God may answer our prayers in ways or at times we don’t expect sometimes, but they are always the best. Always. Even when it hurts and requires some discomfort. And if we live through the refining process, we can know that He only has more good planned for our future.
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. ~Romans 8:28
So there you have it. An abridged explanation as to why I’ve been taking a break from blogging yet anything but a break from growing.
For those of you wondering, baby is due January 24, 2013.
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