I wasn’t planning in participating in Five Minute Friday today. As much as I love it, it didn’t go with the theme of the week on the blog, and I just didn’t feel like writing anything. But then I saw today’s word, and I felt the need to write about it. Here you go! My raw honest recap of the thoughts in my head from this week. (And maybe I kept writing after the five minutes was up. I guess this makes me a rule breaker now.) 🙂
Those lies in my head kept fighting their way to the front this week. I knew who they were and what they were up to, so I fought hard.
“I am not alone! I am not unloved! I am not completely insane…only a little bit.”
These thoughts keep coming back to me for so many reasons, both known and unknown. Right now I know why. It’s because I want to take a stand against the norms of society when it comes to connecting with others.
I no longer want to settle when it comes to friendships. I want them to be more than superficial conversations and “Oh, I know we’re all just too busy to work at this thing called catching up.”
We are created for more. For communion with one another. And as I sat at home with a quiet phone and an imaginative almost 3 year old this week, I observed our needs and tendencies to fight against yet wish so strongly for this difficult thing called community.
I saw it in the way that my son wanted me right by his side playing trains and digging dirt.
I saw it in the way that I all but counted down the hours until my husband got home from work so I could just talk to another adult already.
I saw it in the way I talked myself out of calling someone just to say hi because I didn’t want to bother them.
I saw it in the way I all but word vomited, nope I pretty much reached the word vomit level by the end of the week, when I conversed with any other unsuspecting soul who just wanted to say hi or catch up on small talk.
I saw it in the caring eyes of the friends who took time to meet up with me in the midst of our busy lives.
I saw it through the eyes of a stranger who came and joined the conversation with my friend and I at Starbucks. She, too, hungers for community. For an audience. For someone to hear her story and ooh and awe over her child’s pictures.
We are created for community. God Himself gave Eve to Adam when he saw the sorrow that came with aloneness. He wanted life to be filled with more than the stresses of our jobs and obligations. He wanted living pictures of what our relationship with Him is to resemble, so He gave us each other.
Sweet, sweet friend who is reading this post, I need you to hear me. Never settle for loneliness. Call me, email me, communicate with me in whatever way you can when you feel overwhelmed with the pressures of your life. We are not meant to do life alone. I will not think you weak or high maintenance. I have just been in that dark place filled with lies yet again, and as I take one determinedly labored step at a time out of it, I feel the passion to not let a single soul get to that place again without knowing it is optional to go there. You have someone even when you don’t feel like you do.
I am humbled and grateful in ways I can’t begin to describe to each friend who has both knowingly and unknowingly helped me through this lapse of sanity that has made me feel the awkward exception to all that is good and true. Your prayers, your listening ears – they have helped me, and I want to help you in whatever way I can as well.
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