Average. Mediocre. Mundane. None of these words are what I want to best describe me as a woman, mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, or follower of Jesus. Yet I reached a breaking point with this constant struggle going on in that over-analytical brain of mine. I wanted to make a difference in the world, but I still found myself plagued by the this feeling that I was just not good enough, strong enough, or smart enough to rise above what I’d allowed to become my identity.
Then God started showing me some truths I’ve been learning to accept.
I’m not good enough
“There is none righteous, no, not one; there is none who understands; there is none who seeks after God. They have all turned aside; they have together become unprofitable; there is none who does good, no, not one.” Romans 3:10-12
or strong enough,
“Have mercy on me, O LORD, for I am weak” Psalm 6:2a
but He is.
“And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Oh, and thankfully He was kind enough to include these verses in the Bible to help me through the not feeling smart enough part of it.
“For you see your calling, brothers, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty” 1 Corinthians 1:26-27
These truths are why I’m writing these words to you today. I’ve had a real relationship with God for many years, but I felt myself at a crossroads several months back. I knew and loved Him, but He and I were no longer satisfied with our current arrangement, so He prodded me to go to the next level. Every time I listened to my pastor preach, opened my Bible study book, or talked to another human being, God seemed to keep pushing me towards proclaiming His promises in a way I’d been resisting for a long time. I had been doing what I could to share His love with those around me, but He said that wasn’t good enough anymore. I told Him I was completely content to keep posting my thoughts to the fifteen readers of my mommy blog, but He said that wouldn’t do.
I told Him how average I felt, how ordinary my life seemed, and He showed me that perhaps there were others like me who needed to know they weren’t alone. So, I’m here to worship my LORD who has empowered me beyond my own capabilities to start reaching beyond the comforts of my cozy little home and community. My prayer is that you find love and encouragement here. I don’t want anyone else to settle into a mindset about herself that is just not true. The truth is, God loves you just as you are, and He has a purpose for your life that is so much bigger than you can handle on your own.
It’s only because of His grace that I can empty myself of the girly emotions that tell me I can’t and transparently allow Him to speak through me. I know I’m not alone in my struggles, and my prayer is that you’ll join me on my journey to fully submitting to God’s perfect will. He has a plan for you, too. You may be fighting it, but let me tell you from experience, you’ll only end up more exhausted and just as wrong if you resist. Let me encourage you to consider and apply what God is making my life’s mission statement.
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me His prisoner, but share with me in the sufferings for the gospel according to the power of God, who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began” 2 Timothy 1:7-9