I remember the day vividly. After a sitting through at a lady’s Bible conference with a friend, I sat bawling in my seat knowing God had given me a job to do that day. I wasn’t exactly sure what the requirements were for the job, but I knew I would do it. All I knew was that somehow I would write to in some way reach women. From the moment God spoke to me about reaching out to others about His divinely freeing truths, I have felt such an array of emotions.
Excitement. I knew I had a mission. I knew it was from God. Let’s just do it already! So I’d start trying to write out what I felt God doing in my life. And then I moved on to the next emotion.
Frustration. Nothing would come out. I’d write a word, a sentence, then a paragraph. Then I’d go back and read it, and it made no sense. I’d pray and ask God to give me the words; then I’d get to work again. Still nothing. So, I tried out the praying thing again, and when I stopped trying to conjure up a coherent sentence on paper, I heard a clear answer. “Wait. You’re not ready.” Then it was time for some peace.
Peace. God started making some things clear to me. He made me feel perfectly content to wait. I realized I had a lot of life to live before I could be anywhere near ready to move on to the next phase of this unidentified call from Him. Meanwhile, He got to work preparing me. It was time to move on to the really hard feelings.
Pain. I had to know what it really felt like to hurt. To have an ache in my heart so heavy that I could not possibly overcome it on my own. God has required me to walk through some challenging and excruciating experiences so I could better understand His love, faithfulness, hope, and, I also believe, some perspective into the lives of others. Nothing can more efficiently humble and break a person than going through painful seasons in life. So, I’d survive one, go through a sweet time where I could breathe easy, and move on to another area that brought on different levels of hurting.
I’ve discovered some revolutionary things through my painful experiences.
- No matter what, I’ve got it good compared to someone else.
- Situations that would have devastated me before don’t bother me so much anymore. I’ve learned how to have victory every single time.
- God has me alive and in this place for a purpose. I can’t deny that no matter how much I try.
- I have hope. When things get tough, people, money, and health can – and have – let me down. God has somehow gotten me through the things that seemed impossible. If He’s done it for me every single time before, He’s given me a million reasons to believe He’ll come through every single time in the future.
Love. I’ve had a lot to learn about love, and I’m still a work in process, but in this time of waiting, God has taught me a lot about loving. I never really gave much thought before to loving people I didn’t even know, but now, I strive for it. I had a lot to learn about loving myself in a healthy way. Whew. I’ll save that for a dozen or so other posts. Most recently, I’ve been learning a ton about loving God, and what that looks like. More importantly, I’ve begun comprehending how much He loves me.
Now He seems to be telling me “it is time.” Time to reach out beyond my comfort zone of ministering to those I already know. Time to take one post at a time as He shows me what to share with whomever may choose to take the time to read this blog. I invite you to journey with me as we figure this whole thing called balancing life, accepting our unique qualities, and learning to really love Jesus.