Tears stung my eyes as I stared at the contents of today’s mail. I wasn’t really surprised at the numbers, but I was in awe. Starting this blog has been an intensely personal step of faith for me. God gave me a vision years ago, and not one day has passed since then that I doubted I’d work to fulfill it in the future, but my picture of the future was still years away. I do not jump into things without examining and over-analyzing every aspect I can imagine, so taking a step like this one, that is so far out of my comfort zone, has definitely been no exception.
I’ve balked at any possible hurdle I could find. Honestly, I’ve tried to create hurdles. What would I write about? How would I get started?
I’ll stop the endless list right there so you don’t get as worn out as I’ve made myself coming up with it. Each excuse I’ve made has been answered specifically and undeniably beyond coincidence. I know God is in this. When I start listing all of the what-ifs and I-don’t-know-hows, I can stop myself instantly now because I know He’s doing a work in my life right now.
And yet I had to test Him once again.
I’m at a point right now where I’ve been trying to decide whether or not to really put myself out there or just ease my way into it to see what happens. This exceptionally-average-when-it-comes-to-computer-knowledge-girl is really fond of the easing into it approach. If the two people who have taken time to read what little I’ve written so far continue to follow along, so be it. If more people decide to check it out, that’s fine, but I’d be content with just fulfilling the minimum requirements of this call to keep myself out of a miserable state with God.
But He’s not allowing it. He’s pushing me to go for it with everything I have. Since the focus of this blog is to embrace being who we’re called to be, I have to hold on for dear life and stand by it when it seems like an exceptional call beyond my capabilities.
I made another specific deal with God about the blog one week ago today. An online blogging class I’ve been taking (which was a free answer to another specific prayer I made to God) has been urging me to purchase my own domain name. I do not feel comfortable with putting money into something I’m not entirely sure has an audience yet, so I prayed. “Twelve dollars, LORD. It will cost me $12 per year, and while that’s not much, I will only believe this is completely from You if I don’t have to pay a dime upfront. So, give me $12 in some unexpected way within a week, and I’ll do it. I’ll buy a domain name, and go from there.” That was last Tuesday.
Fast forwarding to today, I knew I’d reached the end of my little deadline. Literally two hits have popped up on my stats for the past three days, and I had pretty much told myself I had my answer. I could cool it for a while and accept that this just isn’t the right time. No one had walked up to me and handed me twelve dollars. My answer was abundantly clear. Until I checked the mailbox on my way to the grocery store. Since I’d forgotten to check it yesterday, there was quite a pile. I did the usual flip through it. Utility bill (sigh), junk mail, junk mail, junk mail, what’s this? An envelope addressed to me from the bank that handles our mortgage. Hmm…I wonder what they want? As the contents spilled out, I noticed that it contained a check. Got to love those kinds of surprises! Then I looked at the amount: $12.51.
The tears started welling, my heart started pumping fast, and I reminded myself a few seconds later to exhale. God has spoken, and I will be humbling following His lead. I do not know what His plans are for you, but know this – He has plans. Don’t resist them.
As I shared this story with a good friend of mine a while later, she read a verse she’d come across this morning that only confirmed more than ever that God is speaking specifically to me right this instant. In Isaiah 48:17, God says, “Thus says the LORD, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: ‘I am the LORD your God, who teaches you to profit, who leads you in the way you should go.'”
I pray that this testimony inspires you to persevere through whatever unknown you’re currently facing. God doesn’t always reveal the whole picture to us at once, but He will make known the next step you must take. Trust Him. He WILL lead you in the way you should go.